February 16, 2022

Count down is on to Spring 2022. 

And I feel like the cat in this picture.  

Just wake me up when it gets here.

 

This new me is on the threshold of an open door.  Facing a warm, sunny, green garden with an abundance of choices.  This door is open to a court yard leading to many doors.  I may just want to stay in the court yard for a while to enjoy the green grass and bright warm sun.  

I am struggling

In two weeks I will be 60.  I am struggling with my ability to focus on work.  I really don't want to be here... but is being home going to be any better.  Am I just fooling myself.   I feel so restless, bored, unmotivated.  All I want to do is focus on my courses and my genealogy.    I have so many ideas, so may craft projects I want to work on.  The house needs a complete overall.  I need to get more exercise and this job is preventing me from doing it.   I need to find some way to reduce my costs by $224 a month.   Do a list of items to get rid of.  Audible, skill share, apps that I use. 😟😟 

I am blessed and thank God for everyday and everything that happens to me.  Please watch over and protect Chris and Robyn today.  May they be healthy and happy.  Please grant me the patience to wait for your guidance for my next step.  Please, guardian angel, send me a sign so I will know to stay patient and be guided by what is right.  

 😟Watching the Hour glass

It is October 7 and that is what my life is right now, watching the hour glass.   Wishing my time away.  So bored, can't concentrate and unmotivated.  The Brain Fog and unexplainable anxiety is dragging me down and I am just holding my head above water.  Fooling everyone around me.  Going through the plodding drudgery called -- life.  This weekend will be Thanksgiving and I have so much to be thankful for.  I am disappointed and ashamed of myself that I can't get into it at all.  😞

 Another day, another week with my feelings in the dumpster.  It is a terrible feeling to be so depressed.  All I want to do is go home and curl up in bed and not come out.  

My anxiety levels have been high all week.  I have this sinking feeling of dread right down to the core of my chest.  It is like my head is disconnected from my body and my thoughts are spinning and spinning around and focusing on nothing.  I can't shake this horrible feeling. 😟