Day 1 of vacation 21….So far so good.  

The Anam Cara by Laura Veazey

Think of me often

Two spirits mingled through eons of time

My eyes burning into your soul

Your arms wrapping me, enveloping me, protecting me

Remembering words, joy, laughter, sorrow, loneliness, fears

Think of me often

As I do you, in my dreams

When I hear the quiet of the woods

When I see gentleness, compassion, and strength in the words

When I catch a glimpse of how marvelous what I thought were only dreams could be

Think of me often

When you dream of life being shared

Of gentle companionship

Of fierce loyalty

Of growing old

Of being loved

Think of me often.

Free yourself from both the past and the future.

It’s okay to take a break sometimes.

It’s okay if things just didn’t work out like you thought they would.

It’s okay if a career path didn’t pan out.

It’s okay if a relationship didn’t work.

It’s okay to leave that grudge behind.

It’s okay to not be in control once in a while.

It’s okay to take a break.

It’s okay to not be perfect.

It’s okay to want more.

It’s okay to let go.

You’ve given it your everything, and that’s everything we can do, really.

source: Marcus Chan

 

 Well this is it.   This is time.  Not always sure where I'm going but moving along the path.  I yearn for meaning.  For a clear path without self doubt, second guessing.  I am split in so many directions and my energy is split as well.   Don't have the energy to pursue -- I'm having the "I'll get to it someday" blues.  But what if it is too late.  What if I don't succeed.  What if I finally find what I'm looking for and time has run out.  Does any of this make sense.  I am split between, "I'm too tired to care."  and "I am afraid I'll miss something important."  I am confused.  So much I want to do... but stalled somehow.  Or is is just an excuse... am I fooling myself.   Maybe there is only dreams -- fantastical unrealistic dreams.  Here I go around that bend again -- this evaluation of what I want in my future -- but not actually doing anything about it.   Or is the change so slow that I can't even detect that it is happening.  Am I crawling towards something? Do I have barriers or is it all my imagination.  

 May 26, 2021   Visit : https://youtu.be/ivYkyC8J29M  

• It's not the long, flowing dress that you're in
  Or the light coming off of your skin
  The fragile heart you protected for so long
  Or the mercy in your sense of right and wrong
  It's not your hands searching slow in the dark
  Or your nails leaving love's watermark
  It's not the way you talk me off the roof
  Your questions like directions to the truth
  
  It's knowing that this can't go on forever
  Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone
  Maybe we'll get forty years together
  But one day I'll be gone
  Or one day you'll be gone
  
  If we were vampires and death was a joke
  We'd go out on the sidewalk and smoke
  Laugh at all the lovers and their plans
  I wouldn't feel the need to hold your hand
  Maybe time running out is a gift
  I'll work hard 'til the end of my shift
  And give you every second I can find
  And hope it isn't me who's left behind
  
  It's knowing that this can't go on forever
  Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone
  Maybe we'll get forty years together
  But one day I'll be gone
  Or one day you'll be gone
  
  It's knowing that this can't go on forever
  Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone
  Maybe we'll get forty years together
  But one day I'll be gone
  Or one day you'll be gone

 

Listening.  Just listening.  I do a lot of listening.   I wish I didn't  have to do so much listening.  I want to write.  Write something wonderful.  

The world of genealogy, gardening, music, affirmations, wonderful quotations.  

I have so much anxiety -- the nagging feeling of dread.  The feeling of being trapped.  I have the feeling that I am going to burst if I don't do something creative - or outstanding - or memorable - remarkable.  I am so obsessed with leaving a legacy.  Just to get on with it but facing a blank screen.  The stark white blank screen.  We'll I haven't discovered it yet and I'm have the extreme feeling of running out of time.  My legacy clock is ticking.

Happy Mother's Day 2021