Well this is it.   This is time.  Not always sure where I'm going but moving along the path.  I yearn for meaning.  For a clear path without self doubt, second guessing.  I am split in so many directions and my energy is split as well.   Don't have the energy to pursue -- I'm having the "I'll get to it someday" blues.  But what if it is too late.  What if I don't succeed.  What if I finally find what I'm looking for and time has run out.  Does any of this make sense.  I am split between, "I'm too tired to care."  and "I am afraid I'll miss something important."  I am confused.  So much I want to do... but stalled somehow.  Or is is just an excuse... am I fooling myself.   Maybe there is only dreams -- fantastical unrealistic dreams.  Here I go around that bend again -- this evaluation of what I want in my future -- but not actually doing anything about it.   Or is the change so slow that I can't even detect that it is happening.  Am I crawling towards something? Do I have barriers or is it all my imagination.  

 May 26, 2021   Visit : https://youtu.be/ivYkyC8J29M  

• It's not the long, flowing dress that you're in
  Or the light coming off of your skin
  The fragile heart you protected for so long
  Or the mercy in your sense of right and wrong
  It's not your hands searching slow in the dark
  Or your nails leaving love's watermark
  It's not the way you talk me off the roof
  Your questions like directions to the truth
  
  It's knowing that this can't go on forever
  Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone
  Maybe we'll get forty years together
  But one day I'll be gone
  Or one day you'll be gone
  
  If we were vampires and death was a joke
  We'd go out on the sidewalk and smoke
  Laugh at all the lovers and their plans
  I wouldn't feel the need to hold your hand
  Maybe time running out is a gift
  I'll work hard 'til the end of my shift
  And give you every second I can find
  And hope it isn't me who's left behind
  
  It's knowing that this can't go on forever
  Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone
  Maybe we'll get forty years together
  But one day I'll be gone
  Or one day you'll be gone
  
  It's knowing that this can't go on forever
  Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone
  Maybe we'll get forty years together
  But one day I'll be gone
  Or one day you'll be gone

 

Listening.  Just listening.  I do a lot of listening.   I wish I didn't  have to do so much listening.  I want to write.  Write something wonderful.  

The world of genealogy, gardening, music, affirmations, wonderful quotations.  

I have so much anxiety -- the nagging feeling of dread.  The feeling of being trapped.  I have the feeling that I am going to burst if I don't do something creative - or outstanding - or memorable - remarkable.  I am so obsessed with leaving a legacy.  Just to get on with it but facing a blank screen.  The stark white blank screen.  We'll I haven't discovered it yet and I'm have the extreme feeling of running out of time.  My legacy clock is ticking.

Happy Mother's Day 2021

 

 Memories of warm summer days

I remember those warm summer days when I was about 5, 6 or 7.  I remember the greens of the trees and grass, the blue of the sky and the yellow of the wild flowers.  The summers were so warm and we were allowed to explore.   I remember the swing set next door.  I was fascinated by the flowers the man next door grew and a learned the names of every one;  marigolds,  petunias and my favorite pansies.  The purples and golds were magical.  The neighbor dog was a big collie and we called him Lassie just like the tv dog.  I don't know if that was his name but he followed us everywhere.  We played dinkies in the driveway - no pavement back then.  We were free to wonder to the rail bed,  catch frogs and bugs.  Everything was new and exiting then. Oh to be six again. 

Writing

Writing 

I still find it very intimidating – that white piece or paper or in my case that blank white screen.  I do not want to publish my completed project in the traditional way – book form.  I will like to use software like Publisher/Illustrator to create an interactive eBook or magazine.  Wouldn't that be cool!.

I want to create my own bullet journal stencils.  There are lots of ideas on the internet.  I have so much I want to do and not enough time to do it.  

Lastly I want to post a special picture of my dog Darcy.  She will be missed. 

 April 9, 2021 - Friday

 

Newfoundland Spring

News of the day:  Prince Philip has passed away at 99.  It is the first major step in changes for the royal family I guess.

We are still in a Pandemic even though NL is doing well this week.   Ontario and western Canada have it bad.  

Well it is a count down for Andrew's and Becca's wedding.  I hope it goes smoothly

I have a lot of work to cover this next few weeks with NIGS